Wednesday 3/07

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Because GOD said so - A Florida man who was busted for tres­pass­ing said that he couldn’t pos­si­bly be guilty of the crime because he was on the premises with per­mis­sion!  The man, a for­mer acquain­tance of the home­owner, had jim­mied open a win­dow to crawl inside. When she con­fronted him for break­ing in, he informed her that the Man Upstairs — and we don’t mean the attic — had told him it was OK. The uniden­ti­fied man then bolted the scene, but cops spot­ted him a short dis­tance away and hauled him in on tres­pass­ing charges.

That’s a gas! - Dave Mar­riott, who has belonged to the Grange Villa Workmen’s Social Club for 30 years, was brought before the com­mit­tee after other mem­bers com­plained about his smell. He was told to stop let­ting em’ rip — or be thrown out. “There’s quite a bit of flat­u­lence down the club and they seem to be crack­ing down — per­haps it’s because women are now allowed in the bar,” said Dave. “In fair­ness it’s not just me, but I’m prob­a­bly the worst. Dave says he switched from Guin­ness to lager in an attempt to con­trol the gas, but it made no difference.

The Cow­boy Drunkie — New York tourists are famil­iar with the singing ver­sion of the naked cow­boy, but folks in Florida are now deal­ing with the urine-soaked, inco­her­ent ver­sion.  Cops were called to the scene when a wit­ness spot­ted Sean Bac­chus try­ing to break into a busi­ness wear­ing lit­tle more than a pair of cow­boy boots. His pants were around his ankles, and he had a large bruise on his head that he couldn’t explain to cops. The respond­ing offi­cer pleaded with Bac­chus to take his pants off the ground and buckle up, not­ing, “He had uri­nated him­self.” Bac­chus was charged with dis­turb­ing the peace.

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