Wednesday 3/07

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Because GOD said so – A Florida man who was busted for trespassing said that he couldn’t possibly be guilty of the crime because he was on the premises with permission!  The man, a former acquaintance of the homeowner, had jimmied open a window to crawl inside. When she confronted him for breaking in, he informed her that the Man Upstairs — and we don’t mean the attic — had told him it was OK. The unidentified man then bolted the scene, but cops spotted him a short distance away and hauled him in on trespassing charges.

That’s a gas! – Dave Marriott, who has belonged to the Grange Villa Workmen’s Social Club for 30 years, was brought before the committee after other members complained about his smell. He was told to stop letting em’ rip — or be thrown out. “There’s quite a bit of flatulence down the club and they seem to be cracking down — perhaps it’s because women are now allowed in the bar,” said Dave. “In fairness it’s not just me, but I’m probably the worst. Dave says he switched from Guinness to lager in an attempt to control the gas, but it made no difference.

The Cowboy Drunkie – New York tourists are familiar with the singing version of the naked cowboy, but folks in Florida are now dealing with the urine-soaked, incoherent version.  Cops were called to the scene when a witness spotted Sean Bacchus trying to break into a business wearing little more than a pair of cowboy boots. His pants were around his ankles, and he had a large bruise on his head that he couldn’t explain to cops. The responding officer pleaded with Bacchus to take his pants off the ground and buckle up, noting, “He had urinated himself.” Bacchus was charged with disturbing the peace.

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