Wednesday 5/9

A Min­nesota man may have thought he was king of the jun­gle, but he ended up swing­ing right into a jail cell after cops busted him for curs­ing out neigh­bors as he mowed his lawn … wear­ing noth­ing but a reveal­ing loin­cloth. One of Matthew Swanson’s neigh­bors called police after the man allegedly exposed him­self while doing his land­scap­ing work — and when offi­cers arrived, he went bal­lis­tic, scream­ing obscen­i­ties at them and some chil­dren who were play­ing nearby. Ear­lier in the day, Swan­son sup­pos­edly called 911 him­self, purely to pep­per dis­patch­ers with four let­ter words.

 Nei­ther rain nor snow nor dark of night could keep aLouisiana man from run­ning over his neigh­bors’ mail­boxes for kicks.  Matthew Burghardt ini­tially came to the atten­tion of cops after his next door neigh­bor called cops to say that she’d just seen him top­ple her mail­box — and she rec­og­nized him per­fectly well, since they’d lived side by side for 15 years. As they were talk­ing, another deputy swung by the scene to say he was inves­ti­gat­ing a hand­ful of reports of downed boxes as well. When ques­tioned, Burghardt didn’t deny the action, but sim­ply said he didn’t know there was a law against it. He demanded a writ­ten sum­mons, but instead got hauled off to jail.

There are drunk dads who des­ig­nate their not-yet-10-year-olds as des­ig­nated dri­vers … and then there are men who just strap their kids to the hood and hit the open road. That’s exactly what hap­pened inFort Wayne,Indiana, say police, who were alerted by a wit­ness who saw a man and woman tie the kids down and drive off, reports the Jour­nal Gazette. Where did they depart from? Why a liquor store, of course! How far did they make it? About three blocks, before aUS­Mar­shal spot­ted the car adorned with the kids, ages 4, 5, 6, and 7. The unnamed man was arrested on sus­pi­cion of DUI, and the woman was taken in for questioning.

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