Wednesday 8/22

An Indiana man couldn’t walk a straight line, but he sure could tell cops a straight story when he was arrested for exposing himself in a hospital parking lot – telling them, “I’m just being a drunken a-hole tonight.” Ty Alsop was taken to the hospital earlier that night, soaked in urine and reeking of liquor – a combo that led to authorities finding a blood alcohol level nearly five times the legal limit when he was tested. The 21-year-old caused a ruckus for more than three hours in the E.R., finally escaping in a hospital gown when a nurse went off to call his parents. According to the arrest report, “He managed to sneak by the hospital staff and walk to the parking lot wearing only his hospital gown, which was split down the back with the buttocks fully exposed.”

A top-heavy Russian woman really turned out to have a killer rack – as cops found out when they arrested her for killing an elderly neighbor using her bare … bra! The unidentified woman got into a tussle with the man after she went to his home and requested a loan so that she and her boyfriend could go out and get drunk. She punched and scratched the 65-year-old, but found out that wasn’t doing her much good, so she took off her bra and began choking him with it, eventually strangling him. She’s currently awaiting trial.

The secret to a good crime is location, location, location – a lesson that was lost on a Florida man who decided to break into the trunk of a parked car … inside the lot of his local police station. Richard Owens didn’t have to go far to choose the vehicle – he’d just been released from custody on trespassing charges an hour or so before. When the deputy who’d booked him noticed Owens lurking around, he asked him about the apparent burglary – only to have him say that he was picking a lock at the request of a friend who’d lost his keys. Unfortunately for the bumbling bandit, he was actually busting into the trunk of an off-duty officer – and earning himself a ticket straight back to jail.

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