Cops found Shaun Paul Williams naked, bloodied and incoherent, claiming he’d been ambushed by a woman named Tree that he’d met a couple of weeks before. She picked him up at his house, accompanied by two men, who she claimed were relatives of hers that she’d be dropping off on the way to their date. Instead, she drove to the pasture, where one of the men clocked him on the head with a hard object and ordered him to strip or be shot with a handgun that he had in his waistband. The trio robbed Williams of about $200, a prepaid cell phone and his clothing and sneakers. Williams explained “Basically, it was my stupidity … I should have realized there was something funny about it.” Hmm, there’s nothing funny about being left naked in a field full of cow poop.
New Mexico man Brian DeMarco said that he was plagued by voices that kept peppering him with odd messages, so he needed to get himself into prison where he might be able to get help. In order to get that plan in motion, he dialed the FBI’s tip line and threatened to send them a killer burrito. The gut bomb would be filled with deadly plastic explosives! DeMarco blamed the feds for putting the voices in his bean in the first place, claiming that the U.S. government planted a tracking device in his head and beamed photons into his brain.
Police in Poland said a woman was hospitalized with injuries incurred when she accidentally detonated an anti-aircraft missile while cleaning her kitchen. What? Investigators said the incident at the Strzyszow home was initially thought to be the result of an exploded gas cylinder, but they soon discovered the 56-year-old woman apparently knocked over a World War II-era missile stored behind a kitchen cupboard while sweeping the floor! Police said the woman’s husband brought the object to their home years ago and the family had assumed it was no longer active. Oops – probably should have had that checked.