You are now free to get into Heaven

Aachen University Hospital says a 24-year-old man from Afghanistan sought help after suffering for years from headaches, constant colds and worsening vision in one eye. A scan showed that a 10-centimeter (4-inch) pencil was lodged from his sinus to his pharynx and had injured his right eye socket. The unnamed man said he didn’t know how the pencil got there but recalled that he once fell badly as a child.

 heavenNew Jersey man Ari Mandel’s Ebay listing had netted a bid of $100,000 before monitors yanked it on grounds that intangible items cannot be auctioned on the site. Mandel, who was raised an Orthodox Jew but now describes himself as an atheist, said that he was convinced he was headed for a positive outcome in the afterlife because he’d performed good deeds, refused to worship false gods and maintained a diet that was “98 percent vegan.” What exactly was he trying to sell?  His spot in Heaven!  The 31-year-old admitted to being disappointed in the outcome, but said, “Whether or not you’re a believer in this sort of thing, chill out.”

 Daniel Anfrey who was just released from jail and had had a drink too many tried to hold up a bank near Normandy, France. But he couldn’t even manage a brief escape because a teller had no trouble recognizing him through the underwear he was using as a mask! Apparently, he visited the branch quite often before his little heist had the cabosh put on it. The employee calmly told him that he should hand over his weapon – a pocket knife – and forget about it.  He’s been sentenced to four months in prison and ordered to abstain from alcohol while on probation

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