"You'll lick your eye out, kid"


eyepatchA wild new craze is sweep­ing schools in Japan – eye­ball lick­ing!  Unfor­tu­nately, eye­ball lick­ing is totally unsan­i­tary, and has led to a mas­sive out­break of pink eye.  Because of the pink eye, more and more stu­dents have been show­ing up to class with eye patches on. So if you’re in class and look around, you can see pretty quickly who’s been get­ting their eyeball-licking freak on.

Cops in Brook­lyn are look­ing for a gag­gle of crooks that have both sticky fin­gers and stinky fin­gers — after a crime spree that includes rob­bing bars of their toi­let seats, bath­room fix­tures, and even dis­in­fec­tant cakes from inside uri­nals. Gross, that’s the last place I’d steal a uri­nal cake from! Another bar reported that its ladies room was ran­sacked for toi­let paper and fem­i­nine prod­ucts from its in-stall vend­ing machine.

Mar­tin Perez, 33, was arrested on an aggra­vated bat­tery charge. When he arrived at the St. Lucie County jail, Perez was asked if he had any weapons or drugs on him, to which he said no. How­ever, deputies found a bag of white pow­der hid­den between his toes!  Perez said the pow­der was indeed cocaine, but it wasn’t his. Deputies obvi­ously didn’t buy Perez’s story, though, and charged him with cocaine pos­ses­sion and smug­gling con­tra­band into a deten­tion facility.

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